Journal Entry from October 20, 2018
This morning as I sat with the Lord I read through several chapters of Hosea in the Old Testament. During this time, Hosea 6:1-2 stuck out to me for the first time. The verses talk about how God tears us down, but is our healer; that He wounds us, but will bind up our wounds. When I read these verses, they seemed to tie back to some of the feelings I had in Haiti of feeling like God was punching me in the stomach only to then pull me in for a hug. It felt hypocritical and manipulative of God, and these verses showed me a biblical reference to what I was feeling. How can God be the source of my pain, but also the only antidote for it? It seems unfair and very much like a trap.
I spent more time continuing to read through Hosea 6 while asking God why He does that. Luckily for me, He answered me in a very loving and patient way. I read down to verse 6 and 7 where God says, “For I desire faithful love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. But they, like Adam, have violated the covenant; there they have betrayed me.” …That was it, ‘I desire faithful love.’ In that moment, God brought to mind a YouTube video I watched years ago when I was in college. The video is called ‘God’s Chisel’ by the Skit Guys (a hilarious Christian duo worth checking out by the way). In the video, Tommy asks God to change him based off of the verse from Ephesians 2:10. In response, “God” shows up with a chisel and a hammer to begin crafting Tommy into the original image God created him to be in. What I was specifically reminded of from the video was the moment where God is chiseling away at Tommy, and Tommy stops him because the process hurts too much. God, however, tells Tommy that he won’t stop until his work is complete because he is a God that loves his children and disciplines them as such. God in his faithful love is working in us to bring us into a faithful love with Him.
God reconciled my feelings about verses 1-2 and the feelings I had since Haiti by explaining through Hosea 6:6 and my memory of the “God’s Chisel” video. When we submit our lives to God and surrender all, He is faithful and just to continue the good works He has started in us until they are complete. He allows us to be put into circumstances that tear us down so that the sins we continue to run back to can be chiseled away, and in the process build us back up into the image He has intended for us to bare. Even in circumstances that are not circumstances of punishment or results of sin, God can use any circumstances to bring us to our knees before His throne. He is the Good Father than does not withhold the rod from His children (Proverbs 23:13-14). He is determined to shape and mold us into who we were created to be, and loves us enough to not withhold anything from us. He desires to make us great, but we must first endure the pain of having our old, sin-filled selves chiseled away. I realized through this revelation that I needed to change my perspective from God being unjust or unfair to recognizing how much we are undeserving of any good. We deserve to be torn down, but we have a gracious God that does not stop there. He won’t stop until we move from a mindset of works/sacrifice to one of love, adoration, and knowledge of the Lord. God is a good Father. I now realize that I need to start seeing my circumstances through the lenses of God’s character and truth, rather than looking at God’s character through the lenses of my circumstances. My circumstances may change, but my God never will.
I later went to find the video and watch it again for the first time in years. To my amazement, the video was almost word for word how I felt throughout the last month, and honestly hit a lot of truths about my sin. God helped me to realize the pain I have been feeling is His chiseling, but it’s in love not manipulation. God knows my desire and surrender to Him, He is being faithful to His promises of making me new in Him while I have been fighting for control of my life. It’s overwhelming how patient and loving He has been throughout this past month while I have been grumbling and pointing blame at Him. Although all of these things are not a first time revelation, my understanding of God’s love has grown deeper during my time here in South Africa.
The Skit Guys video should be shown below, and is definitely worth watching if you have never seen it before. 🙂
Thank you for reading my blog! If there is anything specific that you would like to hear more from my journey, please let me know. I would love to write some blogs about things that you are interested in (whether that’s the food we are eating, where we are staying, the people I am meeting, etc.)
2 Corinthians 3:18 King James Version (KJV)
18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
you are a blessing to me . Stay strong.
That’s super powerful Abby. It’s so cool to hear your honesty about your walk and all the things God is teaching you. Everyone back home loves to hear from you!! I can’t wait to hear all the other cool stuff God is doing in South Africa.
I woke up this morning with laryngitis after a week nursing a bad cold. So, no church for me. Sat down after a warm cup of coffee and pulled up your latest blog. I sensed your pain, but don’t know where the pain is coming from. I pray you are in a better place and think you may be worried about life here. Well, we all are fine and welcoming a beautiful fall. Enjoy and praise each moment of your “RACE”….Recognizing Always Christ Enthusiastcally! You and your team are spreading such joy and hope to your new “WORLD”. Love you baby girl and miss you bunches.
Thanks for sharing.we love you! So proud of you! Amazing work going on. How would you say each place and the people are the same or different in their strengths? Does the size or area make a difference to their needs or understanding?
Thanks for sharing your heart Abby! So challenging and encouraging at the same time! I’ve been reading Hosea for the past few weeks so was extra special to me to read this..:-)
God loves us too much to leave us the way we are, but it’s not comfortable or easy. Glad you’ve come to understand this in a deeper way.
God loves us too much to leave us the way we are, but it’s not comfortable or easy. Glad you’ve come to understand this in a deeper way.
Wow…reading your blog, I have to admit, I was challenging to grasp the depth of your experience/feeling. However after seeing the video (btw, great recommendation!) and re-reading it helped me begin to understand your message. And maybe God’s hint to me 😉 As you are “my joy” (Abigail) all I can say… follow the advice and remember when you look in the mirror remember to tell yourself – “ I am God’s original masterpiece, He makes no mistake” – Thx for sharing and keep shining bright!
Hey Aunt Michelle!
Each place is so different because of the people that we get to meet. The people have been making the places for me. One thing that has made each place similar though is the same God that is present in each country. Things may look different, but it is so evident that it is the same God moving in each country.
The strengths and needs of each country in some ways are the same since we are going to a lot of poor countries, but I haven’t noticed if size changes the difference in needs. I don’t think it does. One thing that is clear is the common need for God’s presence in each country.